Gothic Knight In Shining Hearse
by xXxIntoTheDarknessxXx
Summary: Clare is living in her own personal hell with her abusive boyfriend, Fitz. Eli comes to rescue her, and each learns there's more to the other than meets the eye. For them, their secrets hide horror stories, skeletons from their closets brought out after multiple survivals from the actions of a psychopath. Warning, adult content. See inside for details.
1. Chapter 1

A.N-I came up with this idea back when Clare was with KC (and the evil one was Derek-an ancient concept, I know. Season 8! Granted, I'm not in a country (Australia) that shows degrassi episodes on TV, I mean, Nickolodeon and ABC 3 did show up to Paradise City (Degrassi Goes Hollywood), and season 9, but not 10 through 12). Long ramble short, I saw Clare and Eli and just HAD to change it. Fitz is the evil one, and Eli and himself still create this 'cold war' [to quote Eli] between themselves (which is something I'd decided before I saw even a third of the boiling point).  
I'd decided now was finally the time to write it and post it, so I did. Am. Whichever.

Disclaimer: If I wanted to be paid for the idea, I would have sent this to the Degrassi writers, wouldn't I? I obviously don't own it either. Although, I wouldn't mind owning Morty and the cute young man that drives him ;D

Second author's note: Triggers include violence/domestic abuse, and in future chapters, rape, self harm, not strictly consensual sex (more or less but not quite rape), alcohol. I'm putting Clare through her own personal hell, but Eli's there to help her pick up the pieces.

On with the story:

Clare and Eli are sitting silently in a quietly moving Morty, the first of whom was staring out the window awkwardly, the latter of the pair staring out the windscreen; as they drove through the suburbs.  
'You really don't have to do this, Eli. I mean, it's nice and all, but I really wouldn't want you spending your time bored out of your mind at my place because my parents are out of town. I can look after myself.' Clare's voice shook just the smallest little bit as she spoke, looking more confident then she sounded. 'Really, Clare, I don't mind. But there's no way I'm going to let you stay home alone when I know for a fact that psycho knows where you live. Besides, I won't be bored.' Eli responded. 'He's not a psycho, he's just...misunderstood. I annoyed him, that's all.' Clare defended her (ex?) boyfriend, Mark "Fitz" Fitzgerald. 'Misunderstood? Annoyed?' Eli looks at Clare, disbelief written all over his face, 'You'd have to be seriously PISSED to hit someone, let alone your girlfriend. It's sexist, I know,' Eli added at Clare's 'Are you serious?' look at the girlfriend line, 'but it's true. Just look at the facts. Even Henry the eighth had the decency to behead his ex-wife, not just throw her around when she couldn't bear a male heir to his throne.' He defended, using 'throw around' as a euphemism for 'beat'. 'That was the sixteen hundreds!' Clare argues, 'And I caught your euphemism.' Eli retorts, 'Fifteen; and the point remains that you can't stay alone this weekend. You don't know what he might do if he finds you by yourself.' Clare mentally checked her facts. Eli was right, it WAS the fifteens. You win some, you lose some, right? It's just, Mark wasn't THAT bad, and it was kind of her fault for staying, wasn't it? She had to leave him. Mark Fitzgerald was no good for her: controlling, abusive, even. Maybe. But until then it was probably a good idea to have someone stay with her so she wouldn't be alone with a seriously ticked off ex to come find her. Maybe. 'No "maybes" about it, Clare. You know he is. You can't seriously consider staying with him or staying alone this weekend.' Clare wasn't aware that she'd been thinking aloud.

Eli turned Morty into his driveway and parked. He invited Clare in for a drink while he grabbed his stuff. 'Homework and clean clothes.' He explained, shoving both roughly into his bag and scribbling a note to his mother, father, whoever was home who might've cared. 'Ready to go?' He asked her. 'Yeah, sure. You're right, by the way. He IS no good for me. And I'm not going to stay. I'll tell him soon. Tuesday. He won't hit me then. I don't think.' Clare confessed, mumbling her doubt as she thought of ways to avoid Fitz over the long weekend. The pair of misfit kids walked outside and sat back in the hearse closing doors behind themselves before driving in relative silence to Clare's. Fast forward a few hours and an hour of English homework, a 2000 word History essay and a four page science paper. 'Well, that was a productive evening.' Clare piped up. 'I think I'm ready for a shower. Just channel surf and I'll be down soon. Third on the right.' She passed the tv remote to Eli. 'Parental lock is 8-4-5-7.'

A little while later, Clare was soaking in the tub in deep thought. She re-evaluated her priorities and relationship with Mark, not really surprised to find that in a rational state of mind, she didn't much like what she saw. Not the bruises, the abuse, the control. Sure, her parents and her school had rules, but that was for her own safety. Mark's rules were insane. He barely let her practice her faith without supervision. She was only "allowed" to go to church once a week, with him. No subbing for Dad. No going without him. She had to go to Wednesday night service instead now because Mark slept in on weekends. A knock on the door brought her out of her reflections quickly. 'Clare, are you alright in there?' A quiet, friendly voice spoke. 'Uh, I'm fine, Eli. I haven't been TOO long, have I?' she asked, stepping out of the bath, wrapping a towel around her and pulling the plug. 'No, just checking. Don't rush on my account.' Eli reassures her. 'I was getting out anyway.' She bluffs. A little white lie never hurt anyone. Clare rubbed bruise and muscle gel into her arms, legs and abdomen before toweling off and dressing in a singlet and tracksuit. She didn't glance in the mirror for a second longer than necessary.

'Is there anything good on?' She asked, sitting on the opposite end of the couch to Eli. 'I think there's an Adam Sandler movie on.' He replied casually. There was, _Click_. They sat in silence watching, and by the time it finished it was nine o' clock. Clare picked up the phone and a few take-out menus from next to it. 'What do you feel like? It's my treat. Here's anything local.' She passed Eli the menus. 'How about a good old Hawaiian from the pizza place?' he asked. 'Hawaiian sounds great. There are some clean towels in the bathroom. Why don't you go grab a shower while we wait?' Eli did just that as Clare placed the order. 30 minutes later they were enjoying well-earned junk food and discussing Tudor history. 'The Tower of London was gruesome. Do you know how many public be-headings happened there all the time?' 'It's not gruesome, it's fact.' Eli reasoned. 'That's what you said about Henry the eighth; vicious slaughterer of anyone not of his faith. He separated the Roman Catholics from the Church of England in the first place.' Clare defended. This was much of the topic of conversation that night, until it was quite late actually. 'Discussing history homework at ten on a Friday? This doesn't bore you?' Clare asked. 'Not really, I'm much more for history then the periodic table.' Eli replied, helping Clare to put the trash in the garbage and the plates in the sink.

They retreated to the living room to flick through the channels again, and coming up with nothing decent, settled for a foreign movie with subtitles. By the time it had ended, Clare was feeling pretty stiff. She stood up and stretched, and Eli didn't miss her flinch and drop her hand to her back. 'You ok?' He asked hesitantly. He didn't want her to think that he thought she couldn't look after herself, but he was worried. 'Yeah, I think so.' She replied, leaving the room and coming back in a few minutes with the tube of bruise and muscle gel. 'Could you rub some of this into my back? It's kind of hard to reach on my own.' She nervously asked of Eli. 'Uh, sure.' He watched as she took off her jacket and lay on the couch on her stomach, lifting the back of her singlet to reveal bruises across her back in 5 different colours. Blue, black, purple, yellow, hints of green. Obviously some were much older than others.

He sat on the edge of the couch and squeezed some of the gel from the tube into the palm of his hand, warming it up a little before rubbing it in, not failing to notice a particularly large black/purple/blue bruise that spanned across her middle and lower back and down below her waistband. 'I knew he hit you, more than once, I just didn't know it was a common thing; some sort of...sick hobby...' Eli mumbled shocked at what he saw as he traced over it lightly with his fingertips, making Clare shiver or flinch or maybe both. 'It only hurts for the first day or so, really. I'm practically used to it, anyway. But hey, why does it matter anymore? I mean, I'm leaving him in a few days, so it really doesn't matter what he's done to me before, does it? It's not like I didn't antagonize him anyway, annoying the crap out of him talking about my religion or school and stuff like that. I know he can't stand any of that.' Clare justified Fitz's actions as she sat up and adjusted her shirt.

Was she seriously blaming herself for that? 'Clare, you'll hear it again and again from your Mom and Dad when we tell them, and from Simpson and Counselor Suave, who all have to know to protect you from Fitz-which is something you can't avoid forever-that this isn't your fault; and it's not. He's got a screw loose, and he's violent and angry and he took that out on the person closest to him-which you were.' Eli held her hands in his. 'But not one time that he beat you was your fault. Not a single time that he laid a hand on you, were you to blame. You did nothing to deserve that, and it's not normal for him to do that to you or for you to think that his being a psycho was your fault. You know if you hadn't seen enough violence I'd have beaten the crap out of him for hitting you. I was going to hit him, but I was more concerned with getting you away from him safely. It pisses me off SO much to know that he hurt you like that...I'm sorry, you didn't need to hear that part.' He rubbed gentle circles into the backs of her hands with his thumbs, wanting to hug her, but not sure if it would hurt her or not. He'd tried to not get angry at Fitz as he spoke to her and ran his fingers over the bruises from her most recent beating, but it was difficult, he confessed. But what was more difficult was seeing the normally bubbly Clare reduced to a rag doll, thrown around by someone who was supposed to care; scared out of her wits whenever anyone around her even mentioned violence, whether or not it was aimed at her, and so he fought harder to control his emotions, for her sake as much as anyone else's, namely Mark Fitzgerald, who was going to get a serious beat-down the second Eli found him alone.

'Uh yeah, it's late; we should probably get some sleep. If you want, the spare bed's made up in my room.' Clare offered, taking her hands from Eli's gentle grip as she stood. 'Yeah, alright, sure.' Eli agreed. They walked upstairs into the moonlit bedroom and Clare gestured towards Darcy's old bed, made up with clean sheets for a year. 'Thanks. Night, Clare.' 'Night, Eli.' Eli struggled to find comforting words to say to Clare and instead settled for a light hand on the arm and a kiss to the top of her head; surprised when the girl wrapped her arms around him and turned her head so her cheek touched his chest. He wrapped his own arms around her shoulders and gave a gentle squeeze, worried mostly about what pain she might already be in without his accidentally adding to it and leaned his cheek on the top of her head, trying to commit the feeling of Clare in his arms to memory; she may never voluntarily stay in them again, (if she was lucky, Eli thought) and he was no Fitz; he wasn't going to force her. After a minute or two each pulled back, feeling the draft in the room and each worried they'd made the other uncomfortable. Clare, quickly figuring the source of the draft walked towards the window to close and lock it after having opened it when she woke that morning and forgotten about it, while Eli lay down on the covers of the spare bed, and Clare climbed in under the covers of hers, switching off the lights on her way back across the room.

'Eli?' Clare began after a while of staring up at the ceiling. 'Yes, Clare?' 'Thanks for making me see sense about Fitz. My wake-up call had to come sooner or later, but I'm just glad it came now, before anything else happened.' Clare needn't elaborate. 'Anytime.' Eli replied sleepily. Within half an hour both teenagers were fast asleep, Eli with one leg sticking out of the blankets, and Clare with the blankets pulled right up.


	2. Chapter 2

Sometime later Clare woke up to the sound of thunder and rain and the sight of lighting out the window. The sound of thunder used to scare her as a child, but now the sight of a storm was something she loved. It felt familiar. Well, the hiding in her bed was. But now she was content to listen to every clap of thunder every drop of rain. But firstly her neck and shoulders were sore, not to mention her back. She reached over to the bedside table, flicked on the lamp and retrieved the tube of gel from that evening, rubbing it into her neck and shoulders, wishing she could better reach her back, especially without twisting her arms quite so much. It really hurt. That kick between the shoulder blades really hit the bulls-eye. Fitz had a good leg on him, she couldn't deny that. The light flickered and then turned off completely without a sound bar the thunder. The power must have gone out. Oh well, not to worry. She could flip the switches in the fuse box until something happened in daylight hours, for now she had things to think about, considering she wasn't likely to get much more sleep now that she was awake again. First up was how'd she let it get that way in the first place; alongside with when did it all go wrong and when did he become so controlling. After that came the realization of having to spill her guts about it to her parents, then Simpson and Suave and possibly the police, if she could be convinced to press charges. Which, knowing her parents, it was something she would be doing either way.

Soon, silent tears spilled down her face as she watched the storm outside of her window, then flipped onto her back, then to her other side trying to get comfortable, but at the same time be as quiet as possible in case she woke up Eli, who she thought was sleeping soundly in Darcy's bed. He was there but wasn't asleep, and after tossing and turning for long enough himself, opened his eyes in the darkness and saw the tears on Clare's face sparkle in the moonlight before she flipped over again, oblivious to his awareness. Pushing the covers back, he stood up and walked across the room, sitting on the edge of Clare's bed behind her as she flipped over once again, back to her back flat on the mattress. She wiped her eyes and blinked. 'I didn't wake you up, did I?' 'No, I'm a light sleeper. Thunder wakes me up on its own.' Eli put his hand on the side of Clare's face and brushed away a single tear left on her cheek with the pad of his thumb. 'What's wrong Clare?' He asked sincerely. 'Oh, it's nothing, just twisted my shoulder trying to put that gel on my back.' Clare half lied, gesturing towards the bedside table where the tube of gel sat. Eli tried to switch on the lamp on said table with no results. 'Power's out.' Clare stated the obvious. Eli grabbed the tube of gel anyway and told Clare to turn over so he could put it on for her, and did so in much the same way as he had before, minus the conversation. When Eli was finished, he noticed Clare had nearly fallen asleep as the storm had calmed outside, leaving nothing to be heard but the rain. He pulled down the back of her shirt, pulled up the covers, kissed her on the forehead and climbed back into Darcy's bed. Soon, exhausted, he fell asleep again.

A while later, although it was still completely dark outside, Eli woke again. Looking over at Clare, he soon saw why. She was tossing and turning, still asleep, apologizing out loud for something, begging someone not to do something, promising to never do it again. Whatever 'it' was. Once again, he padded across the room, this time able to see where he was going as the power had come back on by itself and the lamp was bright.

'Clare, Clare. Clare wake up, Sleeping Beauty.' Eli tried to shake Clare awake gently. Had he seriously just called her 'Sleeping Beauty'? _Oops._ Eli thought. _THAT_ _one slipped out. Let's just hope she thinks she dreamed it if she noticed._ 'Clare, wake up. I think you were having a nightmare.' 'No,' Clare sat up, rubbing her eyes, 'Just your ordinary run-of-the-mill dream, Eli. Don't worry about Sleeping Beauty, she's ok.' _Or trying not to break down_, Clare thought. 'That's a normal dream? I'd hate to see a nightmare, Sleeping Beauty. By the way, that's your nick name now, if you hadn't guessed.' Eli spoke softly, finishing with a smirk. _Considering you noticed_. He thought. 'I guessed.' Clare rolled her eyes, blushing just a little, willing the tears to not well up in her eyes. 'Are you going to tell me why you're so upset?' 'Maybe it's because you named me after a Disney princess.' Clare remarked. 'OUCH!' Eli smirked in response. 'Seriously though, are you alright? Dream like that, crying in the middle of the night. What's going on, Clare?'

Clare let her eyes fill with saltwater as she spoke, 'I have spent so long just being afraid of him and what's coming next. I'm away from him physically, but there's no escape when he's inside my head. I just want this to be over so badly, because I don't know how much more of this I can take.' Her eyes began to fill with tears, 'I don't want to be scared anymore, Eli.' She wrapped her arms around Eli as he pulled her close, his hands on her back, her head on his shoulder, his cheek against the top of her head. Soon, Clare pulled back, wiped her eyes with the back of her hands and spoke, 'Sorry. I don't normally nearly cry like a little kid when I talk about this stuff.' 'You don't normally talk about this stuff at all. Don't be sorry. It's ok, really.' Eli replied, checking his watch that he for some strange reason, wore to bed. 'Wow, it's four 'o clock in the morning. That's late, or early, depending on the way you look at it.' 'Whoa, sorry, you probably want to go to bed. I didn't mean to keep you up.' Clare said, pulling the covers up and sliding under the blankets again, propping herself up on her elbows. 'You didn't. Not really. But getting some sleep probably isn't a bad idea.' Eli responded, switching off Clare's lamp and standing up. 'Night, Sleeping Beauty.' 'Night, Prince Charming.' 'Ouch, way to kill my mojo, I consider myself more of a Prince Phillip, really. Sweeps Sleeping Beauty right off her feet, and all.' Eli joked. 'Well, you aren't the big bad wolf, that's for sure. Goodnight, Eli.' Clare shifted off of her elbows and Eli slid into bed on the other side of the room. Soon enough, both teenagers were once again fast asleep.

The next morning found Clare in the kitchen, cooking pancakes, toast, bacon and eggs, and soon after, Eli slowly emerging from Clare's room upstairs at the smell of the perfect breakfast. He checked the time on his wristwatch. 7:03 am. The sun was shining WAY too brightly through the kitchen window as Clare poured out orange juice and coffee.

'You really don't sleep much, do you?' Eli asked, buttering a slice of toast. 'Not really. Woke up again at 5:30. Couldn't get back to sleep again. Decided to wake you up with the smell of breakfast.' Clare smiled, impressed with her ability to get anyone out of bed with her cooking skills.

_That would explain the dark circles under her eyes all the time. And the constant detentions for not paying attention._ Eli thought, before verbalising a thankyou as he loaded his plate with bacon, eggs and pancakes. 'You know, I normally wouldn't get out of bed before ten on a Saturday. Which just goes to prove that your cooking skills are amazing.' Clare blushed at the compliment.

'I've had a fair bit of experience.' She confessed as the phone rang. She stood up to answer it. Caller ID said it was Fitz calling. She mouthed at Eli, 'Fitz', before picking up the receiver and putting the phone on speaker. 'He-hello?' 'Clare. It's me. What are you doing today?' he demanded. 'Uh, homework. I have 3 assignments and 4000 words worth of essays to write. It's going to take me all weekend. I really can't afford for my grades to drop because of all the detentions I keep getting.' She thought of whatever sounded believable that popped into her head as an excuse. 'Then stop getting detentions.' Fitz replied, coldly. 'They're because I haven't been sleeping enough, I fall asleep in class.' 'You're not pregnant again, are you?' Fitz asked angrily. When Clare realized what Fitz was saying, she tapped the phone off of speaker in a panic. There were some things Eli didn't have to know. Or anyone else for that matter.

'No, no, just not…..feeling well. Yeah, I've been a bit sick lately. Nothing catching, nothing you should worry about.' Clare stammered. 'Oh, coming Mom!' She yelled out to no-one. 'I have to go, honey. That's my Mom calling me.' She paused for a moment. 'Oh, scattering ashes at Wasaga Beach…..Who died? My aunt, a year ago. Before I met you. JUST A MINUTE, MOM! ...yep, you too, bye.' She hung up, glad that experience was over.

Throughout the whole conversation, Eli had been making faces and things that were said as he finished his breakfast. 'What was all that about? The speaker phone thing? Something about someone's pregnant?' 'Oh, I, uh, I'm not sure. He doesn't make a lot of sense half the time…' Clare made excuses and trailed off as she sat down to eat.

'Right, so, what'll we do today?' Eli asked. 'After we wash the dishes, we could finish more of that homework? By that I mean we could invite Adam over and finish that video project for English.' Clare suggested. 'You mean the one that isn't even due 'till the end of the month?' 'Yeah, that one, what other one is there? Unless you have something better for us to do today?' Clare yawned, stretching out as she stood up again. 'We could just put a dvd on. Suggestions?' 'Shaun of the dead? Simon Pegg, 2004?' she offered this information upon receiving questioning looks from Eli. 'I know the movie. Didn't take you for the flesh eating zombie type. How about that followed by Zombieland?' 'You'd never guess that I've seen that movie a hundred times and it never gets old.' Clare said. 'Sounds perfect.'

After watching the first movie, Clare got up to make popcorn and get a couple of cans of coke while Eli changed the dvds over. By the time the credits had rolled, Clare had fallen asleep, curled up on one end of the lounge. Eli chuckled quietly and turned off the TV, putting the dvd back in it's case as the phone rang and Eli let it go to message bank. 'Hi, Clare. It's Fitz. I want to come over and see you tonight, ok. I'll be there at seven. Bye.' BEEP. Clare woke with a start. 'Huh? Fitz, coming here? Tonight?' 'Don't worry about it, go back to sleep, there's still hours before he's coming over. Then we can just draw the curtains and sit in the kitchen instead. He'll never know we're here.' 'Ok, then.' Clare mumbled, lying back down. _Clare REALLY doesn't sleep much at all. _Eli thought.

At 6:30 that evening, Clare's mobile rang. 'Hello? Oh, Hi Fitz. No, I'm not at home, why? Oh, well, I won't be home until really late, so it's probably not a good idea. Some other time? I have to go, see you Fitz.' She hung up. 'I think I got rid of him for now, but he might come around in a few hours just to check I'm not lying. If he finds out I'm really here…I don't want a repeat of that.' She shuddered. 'What happened then?' Eli asked gently. 'There was a time when I was a little more naïve about Fitz. I thought if I gave him what he wanted, and stopped upsetting him, I could make him forgive me when I screwed up, make the beatings and violence stop. Hey, I said I was naïve.' Clare tacked on that last sentence as a response to Eli's 'Seriously, you believed that?' look. 'Anyway, I loved him and I thought that would be enough. I wasn't forced into it, but I thought that if I did what he wanted, I could fix things and make him stop being mad at me. Turns out, it didn't fix things, just gave him more control. It gave him reason to beat me until I broke a rib. Or fell down the stairs like I told everyone else.' Clare confessed.

'What did you do, if I can even ask you that…' Eli responded nervously.

'You can. I just don't know what you'll think of me when you find out. He said he'd wait until I was ready for sex. He did, but he didn't want to, and I thought that was why he was mad at me. I needed time away, so I told him we were out of town. He found out I was lying, I was really home alone; so, to make him forgive me and not be mad at me, he was about to hit me again, so I, I….hadsexwithhim.' Clare blurted out.

'You what?' Eli asked, trying to mentally unscramble Clare's words as they sat down on the lounge once again.

'I had sex with Fitz. Not just once, but every time he was angry with me when we were here alone. I didn't want to, but I had to. It was the only thing making him stop. Even just for a day.' Clare almost began to cry. Eli held her close. He still didn't get how that led to the beating that broke her rib. 'I think I'm missing something. He broke a rib because of that?'

'No. That wasn't why.' Clare pulled away from him to wipe her eyes and take a breath. 'It was because I got pregnant. He didn't really believe in protection. So he beat me to kill our unborn baby.' Clare broke down and Eli put his arms around her, wanting to kill Fitz even more than he already did, but wanting to comfort Clare even more. 'Did anyone know about the baby?' Eli asked gently, when Clare's sobs had subsided to silent tears. She lifted her head off of his chest to reply. 'No. Please, don't say anything about the baby. Or what I did with him.' Eli figured she already had far more than enough to go through without relieving that again and quickly promised, as she brought her head back down to his chest and wrapped her arms around him. Eli lay back against the corner of the lounge and soon, Clare fell asleep. As much as he hated to see Clare cry, Eli had to admit he loved having her in his arms, even if she had only accidentally fallen asleep on him. Eventually, he fell asleep as well, relaxed by the slow, even breaths of his sleeping beauty. Not his yet. But maybe someday. Eli was woken by someone banging on the door. Quite loudly, too. He checked his watch. 9:30. _Crap! _Eli thought _Fitz! _He was startled by another loud knock and fell to the floor with a thump, waking up Clare once again. 'What is it?' She asked. 'Shh! It's him. I think he heard us fall on the floor. We were pretty loud.'


	3. Chapter 3

'Clare. I heard you. I know you're in there. Don't you want to spend time with me?' Fitz called. 'Maybe I should-' Clare began. 'No! Don't talk to him, he'll find out you lied, and then where will you be? It's better to just pretend that no-one's here. If we go upstairs, he can't see us through a window, right? In your room, at least. If we keep quiet and—' Eli was cut off by Clare's mobile ringing. It was Fitz. She shoved it into the lounge cushion hoping to muffle the sound as they crawled around to the coffee table to hide a little more and to get a better view. Unfortunately, lights outside were bright and the curtains in the living room were thin, thin enough for them to see Fitz, but probably enough for him to see them. He glanced into the window for a few moments, but it was hard to tell if he could see her or not. She was terrified, hardly daring to breathe.

After a few more minutes of screaming, he walked away, and Eli and Clare crept up the stairs and into Clare's room, daring to take a peek out of the windows, and seeing no pissed off teenager, the drew the curtains and stayed away from the window. 'The back door!' Clare gasped. 'What about it?' Eli asked, confused. 'Did I remember to lock it?'

'I'll go check.' Eli offered. 'You stay here, away from that window. Don't turn on anything loud or any lights or anything. 'Wait!' Clare whispered. 'Don't go. Please? I don't want to be alone in here right now.' 'What about the door?' Eli reasoned. 'Forget the door. Mine has a lock. We can stay here until he leaves. He won't be here long, I've done this before.'

'Have you left the back door open before?' Eli asked. 'No, but we'll hear it if he jumps over the side fence. 'Ok.' They both sat down against the locked bedroom door. Then they heard it. The sound of the fence being rattled and someone jumping to the ground. Clare sucked in a breath and tensed up, scared Fitz might come in. He had once before. But she'd lock the laundry door before he jumped the fence, preventing him from getting in; but this time, she hadn't. 'Clarrrrrrrrrrrre.' Fitz called, making her jump and her heart miss a beat. Eli took her hand in his and rubbed circles on the back of it with his thumb. 'It's ok, he's probably just guessing. I don't think he heard your phone.' He spoke gently. 'But what if he did? This is my fault, I'm the idiot that never turns off her phone.'

'What do you normally do if he gets in?' Eli asked. 'I apologize for lying to him, tell him I felt sick, beg him not to hit me, then we go to my room. You can picture the rest.' Clare responded. She heard Fitz open the back door and come inside downstairs. 'What time is it?' She asked. 'Quarter to ten.' Eli responded.

'You want to live to see ten? Then get out of here now. I'm serious, Eli. GO!' She whispered. 'What do you mean, if I want to live to see ten?' Eli asked. What was Clare on about? 'I mean, if you don't want to die tonight, you need to leave. Fitz carries a knife...among other things...there's the window. Don't make a sound.' 'Are you crazy?' 'No, Eli, I'm trying to save your life. Go! I'll be fine.' Eli, sensing Clare's panic and urgency, jumped out of the window and onto the balcony, to show her that he was paying attention. 'What are you going to do?' Eli asked, certain Clare had a plan or two up her sleeve. 'When he knocks on my door, I'm going to give myself up. You hide in the corner of the balcony until you can get away. But wait until you hear Fitz knock. Just don't call the cops.' As they were speaking, Fitz was calling out to Clare as he went through the house to look for her.  
'You're going to give yourself up to him? He's a psychopath, Clare; and don't call the cops?' Eli whispered, 'Are you CRAZY?' Clare heard Fitz coming up the stairs.  
'Do you WANT us to die tonight?' Clare asked. 'My neighbor once tried to call the cops.' Clare began. 'And?' Eli prompted. 'He's coming. Go!' Clare whispered. 'You can't give yourself up to him.' Eli reasoned. 'You must WANT to die. GO!' Seeing no other options in the immediate future seeing as he was unarmed and Clare had previous experience, he did as she suggested and agreed to haul ass over to the other side of the house.

Meanwhile, Fitz was about to knock on Clare's door. She opened her bed covers, messed up her hair and opened the door, rubbing he eyes, stretching and yawning. 'Fitz, I'm so happy to see you!' She plastered on a fake smile. 'I'm sorry. We only got home a little while ago, then my parents went out again and I felt so sick that I forgot to call you to invite you over. Then, I guess I fell asleep.' 'You're such a bitch!' Fitz slapped her. She cried out as she fell to the floor. 'Please, I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you, or upset you. Please.' Fitz kicked her before she could get back up. 'I'm sorry; I should have called you the second I got home. My stupid Mom sent me to bed and I fell asleep.' 'Stupid is right. You're stupid personified. I was calling you, leaving you messages, didn't you get them?' Fitz asked. 'We forgot to check our messages when we got back.' Wrong answer. He grabbed her by the arm, dragged her up and threw her across the room. 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. All I want to do is make you happy.' Clare begged. She wasn't even acting, this was the real deal. Scared, terrified, putty in Fitz's hand.

Little did they know Eli heard through the window exactly what Fitz wanted. She didn't know he hadn't moved to the corner, but stayed under the window the whole time. 'On your knees, then, if you really want to make me happy.' After that, it was 'Take those clothes off and show me a good time.' Which was the longest of them all. Then, 'Here's my knife, show me you really care about me. Show me you'd hurt yourself to see me smile. Tell me you'd bleed for me.' Eli heard what came after that. 'You bitch. It's been a fun night, but if you lie to me and screw up again, you're going to make me have to hurt you again. Don't be such a bad girl, Clare. I don't like it when I have to hurt you.' It was 10:42 pm When Eli heard Fitz stomp out of Clare's room, slamming the door and down the stairs. Then he realized he'd have to move quickly if he didn't want to be caught.

He quickly went back into the house via the same window he'd left in and sat down next to her where she was sitting with her arms around her knees and her underwear still pulled down (she hadn't managed to pull them back up before Fitz handed over his knife). He pulled off his t-shirt (however self conciously), and put it on Clare. 'He had his knife. He made me cut myself again.' Clare spoke, pulling up her underwear (Eli got the hint and looked away) and sticking a leg out to reveal lines and lines of cuts on her thigh; new ones, still bleeding, and old ones, nothing more than slowly fading scars. 'We should have run in the first place.' Eli said, kicking himself for his own stupidity. 'You didn't know what he was going to do. I did. My fault, not yours. How did you know he was gone?' Clare questioned. 'I heard the back door.' Eli lied, trying to protect Clare from the news that he'd heard every little detail of her last horrific hour with Fitz. He put his arms around her and just held her for a while, before going downstairs with strict instructions to stay there with the door locked until he got back so he could lock every window and door in the house, and get something to clean up and cover the cuts with.

When he came back, Clare was sitting on the bed with sweatpants half on, dabbing at the blood with some tissues. Eli finished cleaning her wounds before covering them properly and turned around to allow her to stand up and finish dressing with minimal embarrassment. 'Eli?' 'Yeah, Clare?' He asked, turning around once he was sure she'd dressed. 'Could you stay here with me tonight? I mean, with me in my bed, not the spare…I don't have nightmare's when I fall asleep with you.' She blushed.

'Sure, sleeping beauty.' Eli replied, more than happy to fall asleep with her again; and even more happy that she wanted him to instead of accidentally falling asleep. She climbed under the blankets and faced the wall as Eli climbed in behind her. 'I was going to shower, but I always have to wait until morning. The blood has to dry properly. Speaking of the morning,' Clare got out of bed, and walked over to her desk to grab a glass. Heading for the bathroom, she came back with a glass of water so she could take a pill from a box in her desk drawer. Seeing Eli's puzzled look, she explained. 'I brushed my teeth and got water for my morning after pill. I've learned to keep them in my room after what happened with DJ.' 'DJ?' Eli asked, once again confused. 'Short for Darcy Jnr.' She swallowed the pill and climbed back into bed as a thunderstorm began outside. Eli wrapped his arms around Clare as she told him how it was all real, she was terrified for real, she couldn't just pretend to be scared, or sorry, or upset. She really was. Eli had no idea what to say, apart from 'It'll be alright, it's over now,' and some other such clichés. Clare turned over to face Eli.

'It's not though, is it? It's not all over.' She said. 'For tonight, it's over. We still have to deal with everything else, but everything that's happened tonight is over. You don't have go through it all again. I know it was horrible. I couldn't imagine living it though. It's my fault you did tonight.' He spoke quietly. 'What do you mean? I told you to wait around at the corner of the balcony. I didn't want you to hear or see all that.' Clare said just the slightest bit upset at what she was hearing. 'I didn't see, I did hear though. I'm sorry Clare. I just didn't know what else to do. I only waited there so I could help you, protect you if he did end up going homicidal.' Clare put her arm around Eli, and buried her face in his chest. He pulled up the blankets and held her close. 'So you heard everything?' She asked timidly. 'From him walking in, to 'bleed for me'. I'd have done something, but I realised you could get a lot more hurt if I did.' Eli spoke truthfully. 'It wasn't just the words though, was it? I mean, you heard him hit me, you heard…other stuff...' she guessed correctly. 'Yeah.' He confessed. 'Ok.' Clare breathed. 'Ok?' Eli questioned. 'I can live with that.' Clare confirmed.

After a while of comfortable silence, Clare kicked off conversation. 'Why is it human nature to love what hurts us? I mean, look at drug addicts, alcoholics, smokers, cutters, me. Is it really human nature, a chemical dependency on something totally needless, or are we just masochists?' 'What do you mean, 'me'?' Eli asked. 'I'm not meaning Fitz. I mean, not entirely. Sometimes, most of the time, yes. But there's something else I haven't told you. I have, but not the full story…' 'Go on.' Eli prompted. 'I've been with Fitz-I WAS with Fitz, for a pretty long time. I showed you my leg, where he makes me cut so nobody sees. That wasn't his idea…not really.' 'What are you saying?' Eli asked, not wanting to believe what he knew he was about to hear. 'It was mine. Well, not really, but I started it. At one point, I hated myself so badly for being with Fitz, for doing the things I was doing with him, for lying to everyone, for being so useless and naïve and pathetic. I took it out on myself, as if being beaten by Fitz wasn't bad enough. He never noticed the cuts, he was paying too much attention to another part of my body because stupid naïve me let him use me as a sex object. One day, he walked in on me cutting. He was supposed to be out. I told him that I did it for him, because I love him so much and didn't know what to do with my emotions. Then, after he'd use me, after I'd LET him use me, he would make me cut. Make me bleed for him, but I guess you heard that much.'

Clare was now sitting up with her arms wrapped around her legs, bent in front of her. 'So there you have the full story. Clare Edwards, naïve, stupid, pathetic, useless, worthless whore who got pregnant and got beat up on several occasions by her equally pathetic boyfriend, and cut herself. The story you DIDN'T know before.'  
'Don't beat yourself up about it. You made mistakes, you got desperate, you made choices that you thought could get you out of a horrible situation that just happened to backfire. It's not all your fault, and you aren't an entire lists of negatives. See these?' Eli sat up and showed Clare scars on his sides, his hips, and his arms. 'Self-inflicted. I had some stuff happen, and I hurt myself constantly. I cut, I burned. I'm not proud of it, but it was the only way I knew how to deal. I'm not perfect either. Looks like we both have secrets no-one knows. Or, almost no-one.' Eli took another long sleeved t-shirt from his bag and threw it on over his head. He hated not wearing a t-shirt, but was happy to have given his to Clare.

'Yeah. At least he didn't come back this time.' Clare said, relieved. 'He normally comes back?' 'Once. It was 'Let's play repeat.' Then he beat me.'

'Eli, can I ask what happened, what made you hurt yourself?' Clare asked. 'It started with I had a girlfriend about 18 months ago. It ended with she died. That's the short and sweet of it all. What happened was we went for a drive one night, she had her bike in the boot. We fought, she took her bike and cycled off in the dark, and a car hit her. She died on impact, didn't even feel anything, and I spent a lot of time hating myself for that. I didn't know how to deal with it, so I cut, I burned, I hurt myself. In a way, it was to let out the stress of feeling everything I was feeling, in other ways, it was to punish myself for it. For what I'd done.' Eli talked so calmly and honestly about what had happened. Clare knew the feeling. Talking about something calmly, but inside it tortures you, it tears you up. 'I'm sorry, Eli. I had no idea.' She put her arms around him. 'No one does, not really. No one ever really knows your story like they think they do.'

They suddenly noticed the coldness of the room and climbed back in under the blankets, arms wrapped around each other, thinking over their secrets. Clare soon fell into a fitful sleep and was soon woken by Eli, whos brow was crumpled with concern. 'Clare, wake up. It's just another nightmare. Clare.' He whispered. Sitting up, Clare rubbed her eyes. 'That one's nothing new. I need a drink.' She said, opening her closet door to retrieve a bottle. Vodka. 'Want some?' She asked, as she drained the water from her glass and poured a little of the booze, spilling just the smallest amount on the rug in the dim lamp lit room. 'Are you sure that's a good idea?' Eli asked, shaking his head 'no' at the offer.

'I don't know, but it keeps the thoughts and the memories', she skulls her glass, shakes her head and pours another, 'out of my head. As long as I can do that, I don't care what it takes.' Noticing the amount-or lack thereof-of vodka remaining, Eli accepted a mouthful and skulled the glass. He could hold his liquor. But Clare, he wasn't sure about. 'I know what you're doing.' Clare quipped. 'You think I can't hold my liquor, so you're drinking it for me.' She poured the last of the vodka into her glass and swallowed. 'But that's okay, because I have another bottle in there somewhere.' She made to move towards the closet, when Eli put his hand on her arm. 'I'm really not sure that's a good idea. I'm not gonna stop you, but think about it before you get too wasted.' Clare scoffed. 'Thinking is why I drink. It helps me run from the demons I face. I don't drink much, just when the memory comes up.'

Eli took his hand off of her arm. 'You keep saying that, but you never tell me what memory,' he begins, 'I get that there's some stuff you just don't wanna talk about, but drinking's not gonna help. Not long term.' he as Clare giggles, slightly tipsy already. 'I don't wanna talk about, don't wanna think about, can't help but dream about, couldn't help but live through it. So I'm gonna get another drink.' Clare finds another bottle, with just a glass or so left in it and drains it, frowning when she can't find anymore, but just a little drunk, climbs back into bed and curls up with Eli, hoping the nightmares stay away with the alcohol that's in her system.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry! My personal laptop snuffed it and I forgot I had my school laptop...it's crappy but a writer's gotta do what a writer's gotta do!

***

Clare awoke to the sound of the kettle boiling and the smell of fresh coffee. She didn't much care for it, seeing as she was about to puke, but travelled downstairs anyway.  
'Good morning Clare.' Eli greeted, far to chirpy for Clare, whom after last night, was totally hung over. 'What's good about it? I have a throbbing headache and want to throw up.' 'Ah, the joys of vodka.' Eli repsonded sarcastically. 'What exactly happened last night? All I remember is Fitz knocking on the door and breaking in...then it's all fuzzy...which was why I started drinking in the first place...I think.'

'Our friendly neighbourhood psycho came to visit...you don't need me to rehash the details for you. Then we talked. I told you about Julia, you told me about Fitz.' Eli offered. 'Julia was your girlfriend..? Sorry, I'm a little fuzzy on the details right now. Give it half an hour, they"ll come back to me.' Clare peiced together some of the details. 'It's ten o' clock. He'll be calling soon.' As if on cue, Clare's phone rang.

'He-hello? Fitz?...I'm so sorry for last night...no, they're at church...yes, I took it, I'm not stupid...' Clare cringed 'I'm sorry! I love you, please don't be mad at me...I didn't mean to...no, you won't have to do that again...honestly...I'm sorry. I have to go, I'm gonna throw up, I'm not feeling well. Bye honey, I love you.' As she hung up the phone, Clare sighed in frustration. 'I have NO control with him. It's pathetic. Crap!' realisation took over as the previous night came into focus and her head fell into her hands. 'I'm so glad you didn't call the cops last night.' She began.

'Why?' Eli questioned curiously. 'My neighbour did that once, and let's just say he din't exactly feel like playing the friendly neighbour anymore when he found his cat...the poor thing was just tortured, murdered. Three guesses who did that. But of course, there was no proof, so Fitz got away with that and no one tried to call the police again.'  
'Wow. The guy really is a psycho.' Eli murmured under his breath. 'You're telling me.' Clare responded.

'I'm going to go take a shower. You should call Adam; invite him over to work on the video project.' Clare suggested. 'Sure. Sounds like a great idea.' Eli replied, flipping his mobile open. Within the hour, the three kids were working on Eli and Clare's English class project and drinking cold coke when Clare spoke up. 'Adam, I want to tell you something..but you can't freak out, because it's hard enough for me as it is. You're one of my best friends, and I wanted to explain why I've been AWOL all year. It's really not fair to keep you in the dark.'

Eli protested. 'Wait, Clare, you don't have to do this. You're only going to have to repeat it again and again anyway. Are you sure?' 'What's one more time? Besides, Adam deserves to know the truth.' Clare counter protested. Adam, looking slightly confused had only one request. 'Could someone just tell me what's going on here? You're starting to freak me out.'

'You know I've been with FItz for a really long time. I started getting in trouble at school, skipping out on plans, not going to Sunday church, etc., well, Fitz was-was abusing me.' Eli squeezed Clare's hand comfortingly. 'It started with the little things, then it got worse. Screaming, slapping, swearing, se-other stuff, worse stuff. Eli noticed, though, and we're going to tell my parents tomorrow, and fix it. I just wanted you to know why our frienship probably felt one sided for so long. It was, and it wasn't fair. I'm sorry.'

Adam, hearing this, grabbed Clare into the biggest hug physically possible, not realising he'd hurt her until she cried out at the pain. 'Sorry! I sort of didn't think.' He apologized. 'It's ok. I'm kind of used to it. These,' She pulled up the side of her shirt to reveal just a few of her bruises, 'are nothing new.' But she had forgotten Fitz's hand marks from the night before would come out clearly and stand out against her skin. Adam's eyes bugged out momentarily, but he didn't dare ask, silenced by a shake of the head from Eli. Clare then remembered she needed to change the dressing on her cuts and excused herself to do so, vowing to return with snacks.

'Cuts? Bruises? The guy's a psycho. Wait. I thought she said he WAS abusing her. What gives?' Adam questioned Eli. 'When you say that he's a psycho, you really have no idea. He came over for a visit last night. I can't tell you anymore, that's up to her. She needs you to be there for her if she decides to. Don't be offended, she's been through a lot.' Eli added on that last sentence when Adam glared at him momentarily. 'I won't be, because you're right, she DOES need us, whether she admits it or not. I knew something was up all this time, but I was too stupid to see what was really going on. I thought it was just her sister, she misses her a lot.' Adam admitted, feeling like an idiot. 'Don't blame yourself, man, she made plenty of effort to hide it. I've been there before...ex boyfriend.' Eli added the explanation at the last minute as he switched the subject before Clare came back with some chips and a family sized chocolate bar.

'You had a boyfriend?' Both Adam and Clare asked in unison. 'Yeah, once. Had some interesting pasttimes, that one, which I guess is the easy way to put it. Then I moved on to Julia and we all know how THAT ended.' Eli skipped over the details of his disasterous relationship with Tim, in which he'd been beaten up more times than he could count, among other things, to which he knew Clare could relate, if he ever told her. 'Anyway, I thought we were going to work on this project.' _Nice save_. Eli thought to himself as the group got to work.


End file.
